


time to kick some hot butt and take back what is Ours

by rubiesanddiamonds



Series: i get by with a little help from my friends [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: BAMF Allura (Voltron), Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, M/M, Multi, im so happy that is a tag, kidge are the bros that wont call each other best friend but would kill seven men for the other, laugh at my pain with me guys, my life is a crackfic tbh, pidge has emotions and has a hard time dealing with them, that is the best tag ive ever seen and ever used, thinly veiled references to the shitstorm that is my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 13:53:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8581093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubiesanddiamonds/pseuds/rubiesanddiamonds
Summary: ill lure ya (to ur death): shiro its time for the slut and the flacon to have their kidnapping case epill lure ya (to ur death): get ur standard issue gun ready it may actually see the light of day





	1. its a Messy night and things dont end well

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys! okay so wow 2016 just keeps hitting with shit. i think i need to always touch wood when i say ive got something Ready to Go because its like inviting shit to hit the fan.  
> so originally i had about 7/9 entirely unfinished works, rough drafts, pages of dialogue and ideas and bg, the whole shebang, all docs well over 10k (yes, i had roughly about 100k of vaguely incomprehensible Babble about this fuckin au and these loser kids)  
> and i went out this weekend, clubbing with friends and brought some guys back who were friends of friends yada yada   
> tldr, my laptop was stolen and now i have written this as a Venting because honestly this fic has become such a big coping mechanism for me lol. so if youll bare with me i would love to try to rewrite all that stuff with what little ive got on my phone and ao3 drafts.  
> anyway, as always using real life events and turning them into something fun is what im all about so here have this rare pidge emotioning and allura doing her thing. truly we all need an allura in our lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lance is actually shortsighted and wears contacts. keiths seen him in his glasses and wont let it go (theyre square wire frame and look like they should go back to the 80's where they belong)
> 
> pidge is basically me throughout this whole ordeal

**gay in space to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (10:22)**

**gay in space:** lance came to my spin class again the other day

 **gay in space:** not going to lie the whole time i was thinking 'fuck he so flexible'

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** now that we know ur bangin r u goin to be like this all the time

 **man with the memes:** fun fact: allura used to teach me her routines when she first started dancing the weekend crowd to get the hang of them

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** didnt u kno keith??? lance dances almost as good as me

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** lance can indeed dance

 **gay in space:** i am but a small fragile gay boy why would you say such things to me

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ohohohoHO keith u dont even KNOW

 **man with the memes:**  u can dance keith

 **man with the memes:** but can u Dance

 **gay in space:** it's on megane

 **man with the memes:** bring it chico lindo

 **gay in space:** you're going down

 **man with the memes:** winner gets a blowjob

 **gay in space:** i repeat

 **gay in space:** you will be going down

 **man with the memes:** i think not for you have the sex appeal of a single pidge

 **pigwidgeon:** i am a genderless asexual being of light and i will not let you dull my sparkle like this

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** oH my GOD is this what your chats have been like for the past two months???//

 **gay in space:** you're more like the glow cloud than a being of light

 **man with the memes:** sort of

 **man with the memes:** sometimes theres feelings and shit

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** A L L  H A I L  T H E   G L O W  C L O U D

 **gay in space:** usually there's memes

 **man with the memes:** theres always memes

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** im still so annoyed at myself and the fact that i couldnt read this sitch

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** also is wtnv still a thing i havent listened in ages

 **man with the memes:** honestly i think our hiding talents are wasted

 **man with the memes:** we coulda been spies keith

 **man with the memes:** cia shit

 **gay in space:** you must have noticed us spending more time together?

 **gay in space:** and they released a book a while ago and its amazingly creepy i'll bring it up to you sometime

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** well yeah but we thought you guys were Just Friends and were being dumb abt ur feelings

 **man with the memes:** oh no that kind of describes us perfectly??

 **gay in space:** true

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** and keithy you can have my cosmo in return for the book im done with it  (Purple Heart ) (Purple Heart )

 **gay in space:** i'll come up when i get back  (Heavy Black Heart ≊ Red Heart)

 **pigwidgeon:** sometimes keith is emo and fake cool enough for me to forget hes actually a gay wine drinking nerd

 **pigwidgeon:** then conversations like this happen are we are reminded that keith is the Ultimate Gay

 **gay in space:** i wear that title like a crown, thanks

 

**man with the memes to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (11:57)**

**man with the memes:** ive been telling everyone dont let anyone dull your sparkle today at work now fuck you pidge

 **man with the memes:** tenji is ready to Kill

 **man with the memes:** keith come save me

 **gay in space:** to die by tenji's hands would be a dream come true

 **man with the memes:** kinky

 **gay in space:** do you want me to get kinky? because it can get so much dirtier than it already is

 **man with the memes:** wow i feel like paul rudd in friends when hes like how much dirtier can it even get

 **man with the memes:** how is my boyfriend secretly phoebe????

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh my god LOOOL hes a veggie too

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith baby ur a lil pheobe

 **pigwidgeon:** what kinks could keith possibly have other than mutual suicide

 **gay in space:** hey romeo and juliet are the Legend of that kink and everyone loves their story

 **man with the memes:** keith im cool with the choking me thing

 **man with the memes:** but i aint carrying outta double suicide

 **man with the memes:** sorry babe :(

 **gay in space:** that's not even sexual i just want you to shut the fuck up

 **pigwidgeon:** are we really having a kink chat?? a Serious kink chat? do they even exist??

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh my gooosh have u guys had the proper This is what i want in bed talk?? u guys r so grown

 **man with the memes:** yes y u embarrassed pidgey

 **man with the memes:** nd yes allura i told him i want him to treat me like the filthy whore i am in bed

 **man with the memes:** im man enough to know what i want

 **man with the memes:** princess at all other times tho ofc

 **gay in space:** calling out lance. he's an exhibitionist and i'm kinkshaming

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** VANILLA

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** EVEN YOUR KINKS ARE WEAK

 **man with the memes:** sorry dominatrix

 **man with the memes:** you indulge me so that makes you just as bad and im kinkshaming u back??

 **gay in space:** it's not weak when he's videoing himself riding you on fucking snapchat like he’s having the goddamn time of his life and saves it to your memories

 **gay in space:** i accidentally scroll up on my phone and i’ve got him just smiling at me with my dick in his ass

 **man with the memes:** omg keith ur defending me omds i take it back im not kinkshaming

 **man with the memes:** also if any of u want to come watch anytime keithy boy may be a lil embarrassed but its cool ill gladly take the spotlight

 **man with the memes:** shiro you can join in ANYTIME you want

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** no fair i want to join in too if shiro can

 **man with the memes:** allura you know you are always welcome to partake in any orgies me and my boo may come upon

 **man with the memes:** hunky and shae same to you

 **man with the memes:** pidge ur also welcome but i respect ur no sex ways even if i dont really understand them

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** group bonding exercise lets all have an orgy. all kinks are a go shiro bring ur horse dildo ive got my riding crop

 **gay in space:** i think you just broke lance

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ??

 **gay in space:** he is face first on the ground and trembling

 **gay in space:** nsfw.jpg

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** LOL look at tenjis face

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** he looks so done

 **gay in space:** my poor easily aroused baby

 **gay in space:** i am fining you minus one netflix and chill buddy

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** LOOOL is he??

 **gay in space:** are you kidding he started getting hard because i tied my hair up once. i got the boy trained like fucking pavlov's dog

 **man with the memes:** STOP

 **gay in space:** it just gets in the way

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i feel u keith

 **hunky dory:** I want to leave this chat at times like these but I'm too afraid of Allura coming downstairs and hitting me.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** hunky i would never hurt u

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** but leave this chat and ur dead.

 

**man with the memes to gay in space (12:24)**

**man with the memes:** do you ever think how easy our lives would be if you still lived at shiros

 **man with the memes:** not having to hide going at it like rabbits in his yard

 **man with the memes:** bc it would be half urs still

 **gay in space:** true. but then i wouldn’t have met you

 **man with the memes:** hey no we have Mutuals we mightve met

 **gay in space:** well i wouldn’t have bothered to get to know you

 **man with the memes:** ouch

 **gay in space:** no i don’t mean it like that lol. i mean like i’m not a great socialiser so having you be a constant was a good thing because i ended up having to

 **gay in space:** and i’m glad i did. i’m glad i took the time to get to know you

 **man with the memes:** im glad you did too tbh

**gay in space:** (Heavy Black Heart ≊ Red Heart)

**man with the memes:** (Blue Heart )

**man with the memes:** u ready for the hottest dance battle ever tonight

 **gay in space:** are we actually doing it? is that a thing?

 **gay in space:** you have work tomorrow. why do you want to go out. what money do we have to be spending

 **man with the memes:** babes im doing it for ur benefit here

 **man with the memes:** i havent been out in aaaaages

 **man with the memes:** let me go and dance on you like a hoe in a public place

 **man with the memes:** pleeeeeease

 **man with the memes:** they all know so i actually can now

 **man with the memes:** let me live my wildest dreams

 **gay in space:** i swear to god you’re a nightmare

 **gay in space:** alright we’ll go out but we aren’t spending over $30 so that means no $5 shots

 **man with the memes:** fuck all the good tequila is a five dollar shot tho

 **man with the memes:** not even ONE???

 **man with the memes:** what if i get one bought for me

 **gay in space:** if some poor soul wants to buy you a drink by all means go ahead

 **man with the memes:** i bet ill get more drinks bought for me

 **gay in space:** why are you turning everything into a competition? and ones you’ll lose?

 **gay in space:** its like you want to fail

 **man with the memes:** osHIT

 **man with the memes:** its oN DOUBLE TIME NOW U FUCK

 **man with the memes:** jUST WAIT. JUST YOU FUCKEN WAIT

 **man with the memes:** im gonna be the best dancer there that they are going to want to hire me

 **man with the memes:** and i am going to get sO many drinks bought for me that youre gonna have to carry me tf home

 **gay in space:** wow i am so looking forward to it

 **man with the memes:** dont be such a killjoy ur excited

 **gay in space:** killjoys make some noise

 **man with the memes:** eMO

 **gay in space:** get over it you knew what you were signing up for.

 **gay in space:** can i ask you a question?

 **man with the memes:** sure lol

 **gay in space:** how did you know you were bi?

 **man with the memes:** well one day the Bisexual elf came to me in an acid dream

 **gay in space:** you know what i mean you prick. sorry i know its a shitty question.

 **gay in space:** if it helps i found out i was gay after shiro turned to me when we were watching like the 2008 olympics or whatever and the male swimmers were on and i was drooling or something he was like ‘keith that's pretty gay’ and i was like '…holy shit i'm gay'

 **man with the memes:** lol im a swimmer babes ;) and its ok ik but thanks for sharing anyway.

 **man with the memes:** idk, i mean. i always thought everyone was hot

 **man with the memes:** it wasnt really until i moved out and met allura that i really came to terms with all my blatant homosexual desires

 **gay in space:** allura?

 **man with the memes:** yeah she was my sexuality jedi. the pansexual obi wan to my bisexual ass anakin

 **gay in space:** what does allura know about all that

 **man with the memes:** well she's read the figurative fifteen tome text book on sexuality and gender

 **man with the memes:** shes pan but we sort of have the same mindset in that Everyone is hot

 **man with the memes:** idk i just like identifying as bi? theres not much difference but the Meme opportunities seem better with being bi

 **gay in space:** i didnt know

 **man with the memes:** she isnt shy with it lol

 **man with the memes:** shes the one who helped pidge be comfortable with who they are too

 **man with the memes:** shes the super aunt

 **gay in space:** true

 **gay in space:** can i ask another dumb question?

 **man with the memes:** shoot

 **gay in space:** and don't hate me because i'm about to sound like an ass but it's the only way i can deal with this

 **gay in space:** but

 **gay in space:** am i going to be enough for you?

 **gay in space:** we aren't exclusive or anything i know that and i'm not saying we have to be, and if you want to be it's not a question of your monogamy or anything like that.

 **gay in space:** its just a question that i'd really like to know the answer too

 **man with the memes:** wow um

 **man with the memes:** i dont know how to answer that without being Super honest with you

 **man with the memes:** so dont hate me ok

 **gay in space:** alright go

 **man with the memes:** okay well as you mentioned, not exclusive

 **man with the memes:** also have i mentioned,, im a dick

 **man with the memes:** anyway i slept with a few people when we first sort of fumbled around

 **gay in space:** hey dude its ok so did i. well, only once. but it’s cool.

 **man with the memes:** see thats what i was afraid of cos now i want to Kill them

 **man with the memes:** because im not cool and i really fuckin like you but you were so like cool and chill about it i thought it was just sort of something you did to pass the time idk

 **man with the memes:** but all i was doing was thinking of you like not even in the cliche way like i was imaging you instead

 **man with the memes:** i wanted to look up and just see you there or have you be there in the bed with us like...

 **man with the memes:** i dont want to have sex with other people unless i can look up and see you there with me??

 **man with the memes:** its weird i know but sex isnt great unless youre there i dont think

 **man with the memes:** also you know the whole kink fulfilling thing but thats irrelevant

 **gay in space:** i’m just asking because, with some of the stuff we've talked about and that, and the chat today

 **gay in space:** because well i mean threesomes are cool but if you want a girl like... i'm a little terrified of vaginas

 **gay in space:** so i don't want to have sex unless you're there either. because i might need to hold your hand

 **man with the memes:** [all the pretty girls cant measure to u bb](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIoaiTwLk6I) (Blue Heart )

 **man with the memes:** but a threesome would be AMAZING        

 **gay in space:** im kinkshaming you still

 

**man with the memes to the greatest people you will ever meet (14:43)**

**man with the memes:** omg guys keith is terrified of vaginas

 **pigwidgeon:** i have one and im slightly terrified of it

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** vaginas are beautiful flowers and every single one should be appreciated

 **man with the memes:** allura the dance battle is On

 **man with the memes:** and ya gonna have to reserve us front row cos i need to video keiths face when the rass come out

 **man with the memes:**  we will tip like madmen

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** with what money?????¿¿¿¿

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** if you rain me in ones ill kill you

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** hundreds ill allow

 

**ill lure (ya to ur death) to lol when these dumb boys gettin together (14:50)**

**ill lure (ya to ur death):** how did he find that out do u think

 **pigwidgeon:** probably more gross kinkchat

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** ur probs right. its still cute

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** im excited to go out with them tonight i wanna see what theyre like in public together

 **pigwidgeon:** i still hold the belief that we are giving them Too Much power. and you need to stop saying their gross shit is cute. stalker

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** noo because i can like just Observe as an outsider tonight yeah

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** fresh perspective lol

 **pigwidgeon:** if it makes you happy allura

 

**gay in space to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (20:02)**

**gay in space:** allura can i borrow your dryer mine’s in the abyss

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** the fuckin abyss man how many souls has it taken...

 **gay in space:** lance lost is ipod nano down there last week

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** lol wtf who still has those things

 **man with the memes:** my nano is Amazing ty

 **gay in space:** trust me it was some ancient relic and it had all his 2008 tunes on it

 **man with the memes:** um keith you sang along to like every song with me stfu

 **pigwidgeon:** can confirm i was in the other room i heard

 **gay in space:** okay lies but we had a laugh with it and then it was gone forever bye

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** how did the hairdryer end up down there

 **gay in space:** i was drying my hair in my room because i'm lazy and it was cold so i wanted to get straight into bed and i didn't unplug it and it fell down there in the night somehow

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** keith i stg ur hair dryer is ghd

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** just fucking Move your mattress!

 **man with the memes:** no the abyss will fight Back

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** i stfg yall are such idiots

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** im coming down and im gonna fucken tell this abyss whats what

 **gay in space:** the abyss knows no masters allura

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** do u want Good hair or not

 **gay in space:** my hair is always Good

 **man with the memes:** pft ok

 **gay in space:** shut up baldy

 

**ill lure (ya to ur death) to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (22:40)**

**ill lure (ya to ur death):** aight are we gd to go?

 **gay in space:** yeah i’m ready

 **man with the memes:** five mins five mins

 **gay in space:** lance we’re gonna leave without you

 **man with the memes:** no who would u have to keep u company

 **gay in space:** i’m sure i’d find someone

 **man with the memes:** shut up im ready omw down

 

\--

 

**gay in space to pigwidgeon (03:18)**

**gay in space:** piigggg w ere bringi nngfriends back

 **pigwidgeon:** excuse me? keith you dont have friends outside of our circle

 **gay in space:** lol oktrue.  but these peopleare pretty and allruak nows them soit ok

 **pigwidgeon:** keith im not comfortable with strangers in the house

 **gay in space:** they are nOtstrangers. their name sare rollo and nyma an dthey are borther ns ister. roll ois studing engineererign and myna isagymnats!

 **gay in space:** its okkkkk pid wewill be up with them andw ewont be stupid. go stay inlan ces room if u dontfeel comfty?

 **pigwidgeon:** keith how do you know you can trust them?

 **gay in space:** aLLURa like sthem.is that notproof enough??/

 **gay in space:** thEYREso nice ok rollo tellsall these really cool stories about his activism apparetnyl hedoes alothe doestn like policelol an dhessma rt.

 **gay in space:** and nyma is reallyf unny like she doesntspeak much but has these goodon eliners and yeah

 **gay in space:** they are nice people it is okay.g o recharge in lance ‘sroom

 **pigwidgeon:** im taking my laptop and ill go up

 **gay in space:** noleave it down here

 **pigwidgeon:** what why

 **gay in space:** it will distract you from resta nd it is alredyv ery erly mornign. go to sleep piggoit will be there wehn u wake ready n waitin for u

 **pigwidgeon:** ffs okay. lance isnt home did hunk lock up

 **gay in space:** idk mannn

 **pigwidgeon:** nope apparently he didnt. okay whatever night guys dont get too drunk remind lance its sunday tomorrow which means work

 **gay in space:** lolng lpidgewea re alreayd too drunk ahahahahaa. but yes he just strted monin becauseitold him lol

 **gay in space:** rset well piggo hope sleep comes x

 **pigwidgeon:** have fun. dont fuck up the place x

 

**ill lure (ya to ur death) to pigwidgeon (04:07)**

**ill lure (ya to ur death):** pigggooooo roollo spilt wine on my fucken silk playsuit

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** am sooooooo vex love this thing

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** are u actually asleep cos if u are then like wow

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** but still like im runnin water on it n idk if its coming out or na

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** fuckin red red red wine

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** u kno what fuck this noise sober me can deal with this later drunk me is far to drunk to do this bullshit

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** oooo its ten past imma have a 4:20

 **ill lure (ya to ur death):** aight pidge ngl will prbs conk after spliff so gn bb hope ur restin well xxxx

 

**man with the memes to ill lure ya (to ur death) (05:57)**

**man with the memes:** lura did you take keiths phone?

 **man with the memes:** we cant find it anywhere

 **man with the memes:** ive been ringing but its dialling out and going straight to voicemail

 **man with the memes:** do you remember where he might have put it?

 **man with the memes:** ok ur asleep

 **man with the memes:** sleep well

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** fuckin not now

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** no why would i have keiths phone i dont want to see ur sexting

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** its probably dead. check the sofa or the abyss

 **man with the memes:** we have

 **man with the memes:** we didnt even go to bed ln i dont think itll be there but ill check

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** let me know if u find it

 

**pigwidgeon to gay in space (6:04)**

**pigwidgeon:** hey keith im coming down put some clothes on

 **pigwidgeon:** keith

 **pigwidgeon:** earth to space gay

 **pigwidgeon:** are you asleep?

 **pigwidgeon:** shit i dont think i have keys. one second im going to text your boyfriend

 

**pigwidgeon to man with the memes (06:09)**

**pigwidgeon:** hey lance you awake im coming down ive Rested enough and i want to code

 **man with the memes:** yeahyeah the doors open

 **pigwidgeon:** do this shit in your own house. dont be so careless here. this isnt your place

 **man with the memes:** its ok pigkid. gated building

 **pigwidgeon:** is keith asleep? why isnt he answering his phone

 **man with the memes:** we cant find his phone

 **man with the memes:** im sure he had it when we left the club ln

 **pigwidgeon:** was it a Messy night? who won the dance off?

 **man with the memes:** indeed. rollo and nyma didnt leave till like fifteen mins ago

 **man with the memes:** it was red red wine and passin the duchie pon the left hand side all night

 **man with the memes:** and me of course

 **man with the memes:** he looked like noodle in the dare music video lol

 **man with the memes:** he was fucked by predrinks the wasteman

 **pigwidgeon:** loool have u got footage

 **man with the memes:** dumbassdancing.mov

 **pigwidgeon:** ah lol it looked like a fun night. im not sad i missed the ub40 though

 **man with the memes:** dont talk shit about ub40 ur white

 **man with the memes:** thats like saying u dont like oasis

 **pigwidgeon:** i dont like oasis

 **man with the memes:** are u even White …? what abt wonderwall???/

 **pigwidgeon:** stop talking its too early for your bullshit. how are you even awake

 **man with the memes:** neither of us have slept

 **man with the memes:** we were just gonna go to bed bc i need some zzz before my shift

 **man with the memes:** but keith wanted Tunes like the emo he is and went to get his phone but couldnt find it

 **man with the memes:** so we been searching since

 **pigwidgeon:** im sure it will turn up. you guys always loose your shit.

 

**pigwidgeon to the greatest people you will ever meet (06:13)**

**pigwidgeon:** lance keith allura wheres my laptop

 **man with the memes:** what

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** hm? whats up pigkid

 **pigwidgeon:** my stepladder is Here and my laptop is Not.

 **pigwidgeon:** can someone explain ?

 **man with the memes:** um did you put it anywhere special before you went upstairs?

 **pigwidgeon:** no. i left it on my stepladder on charge. the charger is now still here but my laptop is Not.

 **pigwidgeon:** keith still hasnt found his phone has he?

 **man with the memes:** not yet

 **pigwidgeon:** i cant fucking believe this

 **pigwidgeon:** i didnt even want these people over but no! you guys were drunk and youre pushy and you bring them over!!

 **pigwidgeon:** and now weve been fucking burgled!!!!

 **man with the memes:** ur jumping to conclusions

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** im sure they havent stolen it

 **pigwidgeon:** THEN WHERES MY LAPTOP?!

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** pidge breathe im coming downstairs im to help look and ill get shiro on the phone

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** kieth do u have find my iphone? pig do u have gps on ur lappy?

 **hunky dory:** Wow okay I’m up what’s happened? Who died?

 **pigwidgeon:** mom these two fucking iDIOTS got us robbed!!!! my laptop isnt here!!

 **man with the memes:** he says yeah its under legendary piece of shit

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith ik this is a serious matter but ur such a fuckin goon omds its 2016

 **man with the memes:** what??

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i have inside joke memes with keith too!!!

 **pigwidgeon:** STOP FUCKING MEMEING!!! YOU UNOBSERVANT PIECES OF SHIT!! HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU NOT SEE THEM GO INTO MY ROOM AND STEAL A FUCKING BIG ASS CLUNKY LAPTOP

 **pigwidgeon:** I WASNT EVEN WITH YOU ALL! I WAS UPSTAIRS WITH HUNK!!

 **pigwidgeon:** KEITH HOW COULD YOU BE SO IRRESPONSIBLE WITH OUR HOME? WE LIVE THERE! IT HAS ALL OF WITH MY THINGS AS WELL AS YOUR OWN?! I KNOW YOUR THING IS TO NOT CARE BUT DO YOU REALLY NOT CARE ABOUT THIS?! WHAT IF HE HAD TAKEN YOUR BIKE?!

 **pigwidgeon:** FUCKING RECHARGING LIKE YOU TELL ME TO

 **pigwidgeon:** I CANT BELIEVE THIS

 **pigwidgeon:** whAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL

 **pigwidgeon:** I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT IT UP WITH ME BUT YOU GUYS SAID NO! YOU SAID IT WOULD TEMPT ME! THAT I NEED REST!!!

 **pigwidgeon:** WERE U JUST TOO CAUGHT UP IN THE FACT THAT THEY WERE ATTRACTIve??? hOw could you not see them go into my fucking room?!!! take literally PART OF MY SOUL

 **pigwidgeon:** I HAVE HORCRUXES IN THAT

 **pigwidgeon:** MY BRAIN IS WIRED UP TO IT

 **pigwidgeon:** THAT LAPTOP IS ALMOST TEN YEARS OLD AND STILL IN PRISTINE CONDITION

 **pigwidgeon:** IT STILL WORKS

 **pigwidgeon:** SLOW AS FUCK AND HAS NO MEMORY LEFT SO I NEED TO KEEP GETTING NEW HARDDRIVES BUT GOD

 **pigwidgeon:** THEYRE GOING TO TRY AND SELL IT BUT ITS NOT WORTH ANYTHING. ITS ONLY WORTH SOMETHING TO ME!

 **pigwidgeon:** ONLY I WOULD WANT IT. ITS A PIECE OF SHIT!!

 **pigwidgeon:** BUT ITS MY PIECE OF SHIT

 **man with the memes:** wow is pidge Emotioning?

 **man with the memes:** is that even possible

 **man with the memes:** okay keiths shaking his head no at me

 **hunky dory:** Lance now is not the time. Dude come on

 **pigwidgeon:** YEAH LANCE NOW REALLY ISNT THE TIME.

 **pigwidgeon:** IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL THOSE TWO THIEVING SCUMBAG LOWLIVES

 **pigwidgeon:** AND THEN IM GOING TO KILL YOU TWO

 **man with the memes:** hey allura was Also a part

 **pigwidgeon:** I KNOW FOR A FACT SHE WENT UP AT 4 AFTER SHE GOT WINE SPILT ON HER BY ONE OF THEM AND LEFT TO CHANGE. she had a 4/20 and conked!!

 **man with the memes:** how do u know

 **pigwidgeon:** i know everything. and she messaged me a run through of all this last night. i didnt reply because i was mad at you guys for not giving me my laptop. do you see why i always keep the things i treasure close.

 **man with the memes:** i want to make a lotr joke but i am recognising now is still Not the time

 **pigwidgeon:** oh my god do you think they did that on purpose. make the Vaguely responsible one leave

 **pigwidgeon:** i cant believe this. its like a bad dream oh my god. this is my worst nightmare

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** pig please calm down. its ok we are going to sort this. please keep breathing, go have a glass of water and chill

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** were getting u ur laptop Back if its the last thing i do.

 

**man with the memes to the greatest people you will ever meet (06:54)**

**man with the memes:** guys ive got to fucking go to work should i call in sick

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** no its ok we will take the car there wont be room

 **man with the memes:** yes there will?? its a fourseater??

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** there wont be room just go to work

 **hunky dory:** Lance I’m not going to lie in terms of back up me and Keith are the most Intimidating

 **hunky dory:** Bringing you along would be like bringing a poodle to a dog fight. Just go to work. Say hi to Tenji and tell him to be ready to leave and come down to the address if more people are needed

 **man with the memes:** yeah im ngl thats tru

 **man with the memes:** also fuck off why is tenj invited but not me

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** tenji is the most Intimidating one out of all of us lance uno this

 **man with the memes:** i know im just Annoyed i want to Help kick some Hot butt

 **man with the memes:** and if we are doing Us as dogs

 **hunky dory:** We really aren't

 **man with the memes:** pig ud be a pomerainian and hunk ud be one of those big ass scary ones that are Actually Lapdogs

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** big dogs cant be lapdogs

 **man with the memes:** GTFO OF HERE WITH UR BIG DOG SHAMING OH MY GOD

 **man with the memes:** IF A BIG DOG THINKS ITS A LAPDOG THEN IT IS A LAPDOG

 **man with the memes:** dont lapdog shame. all dogs are lapdogs

 **pigwidgeon:** lance i still dont really think i ever want to speak to you again but agreed on the dog discourse

 **pigwidgeon:** keith is the rott thats the biggest softie ever

 **man with the memes:** naaa i was thinking an akita but like a rescue one thats really shaky w new people but is Very Loving to its owners and stuff

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh my god this is getting too Intimate

 **man with the memes:** lol allura ur a showdog

 **man with the memes:** one of those glam ones

 **man with the memes:** the bald ones with big ass poofy hair

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh my fuckin god

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** the tiny lil rat things with the white poofts at the feet

 **man with the memes:** yeahyeah!!

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** no maaan im a big ass mumma dog

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** im the rott

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith is deffo a shaky rescue dog

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** im the mumma rott with the five pups and im just layin there watchin them doin their puppy mischief like: these are my babies

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** BUT STOP WITH THIS! we have business to attend to stop distracting us

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** we need to Leave.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** lance put on some fucken clothes and go to work

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith wash ur face and get ur shitty katana from above ur bed

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** hunky put on a muscle tank and grab ur biggest fryin pan

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** pig keep calm dont worry go make some slimes coran can let you in you have free reign on my Shit makeup make the prettiest slime u want

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** were abt to go fuck shit up

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keiths drunk dancing ref (hes basically noodle tho???) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAOR6ib95kQ
> 
> ***the abyss is the small gap between keiths bookshelf and his mattress. the bottom of the bookshelf is open so theres a small gap but its like a cave. hence the abyss. many lighters have gone amiss into its dark depths.


	2. no it's okay i didn't kill him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> man with the memes: IF YOURE READING THIS WE ARE GONNA COME FIND You
> 
> man with the memes: whY WOULD U EVEN TRY TO STEAL FROM US. WE AS BROKE AS U BITCH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MATTY FINALLY GETS THE ENTRANCE HE DESERVES  
> ive been waiting to add my first born space son in since i started this shitty series lol  
> hes pidge, but with apostrophes and emotions.
> 
> lol i also forgot to credit them in the prev fic but ty sooo much to codenamecarrot for their emoji cheat sheet thing like this fic would not be what is was without shitty emojis, so tysm. if you want to use it and have a go at coding it really isnt too hard!! >> http://archiveofourown.org/works/6580324/chapters/15055576

**ill lure ya (to ur death) created the group ‘time to kick some hot butt and take back what is Ours’**

**ill lure ya (to ur death) added Space dad and hunky dory (07:17)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** shiro its time for the slut and the flacon to have their kidnapping case ep

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** get ur standard issue gun ready it may actually see the light of day

 **Space dad:** What? Who’s been kidnapped?!

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** pidges laptop got stolen last night.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** so did keiths phone and roughly $100

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** the laptop is the most Important

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** we know who they are and we have a rough Estimate of where they are

 **Space dad:** Okay. Who are these people and how do you have their location?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** by these two people from east, called rolo and nyma. rolos a local dealer whos got a bad rep but he seems nice enough at first.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** we met them last night when we went out and they came back with us and it just went to hell after i went to sleep apparently

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** we have a gps on the phone that was taken with it

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ive got the car so we going to go down and see what we can do

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i need you on hand if you can?

 **Space dad:** I'll be there. Don't let Keith come with you because I might end up having to take him down to the station with me when I arrest these guy’s asses.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** keiths in the back w me and hunks driving lol

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith says you havent arrested him for worse

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** hunk says he wont let keith kill them

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i think he should tbh

 **Space dad:** He definitely shouldn't do that. Whereabouts is the phone being tracked?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** location.jpg

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** thats where its saying it is fingers crossed the stuffs there and that.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** its okay we realised pretty soon after the left so dont think they couldve moved it by now. the suns not even fuckin up yet.

 **Space dad:** I'm on my way down. We'll sort this out.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ik we will. its us

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** see u soon x

 

**4 missed calls from man with the memes**

**man with the memes to gay in space (07:23)**

**man with the memes:** hey if ur reading this dude its cool we wont go to the police we aint narks just bring the stuff back and thats it done is done

 **man with the memes:** dude im being nice here

 **man with the memes:** hEY ASSHOLE

 **man with the memes:** IF YOURE READING THIS WE ARE GONNA COME FIND You

 **man with the memes:** whY WOULD U EVEN TRY TO STEAL FROM US. WE AS BROKE AS U BITCH

 **man with the memes:** U FCUKIN PRACTICING HUH

 **man with the memes:** U GONNA FAIL THIEF SCHOOL WITH ROBBERIES LIKE THIS SON

 **man with the memes:** THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK OUT WELL FOR U I HOPE U KNOW

 **man with the memes:** BECAUSE THE SPACE FAMILY IS COMING FOR U

**gay in space is offline**

**man with the memes:** THATS IT RUN AWAY

 **man with the memes:** U SHOULD BE SCARED

 **man with the memes:** PIGS OUR FRIEND AND THEYRE CRAZY

 **man with the memes:** AND SO ARE WE

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to time to kick some hot butt and take back what is Ours (07:29)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** the gps is gone!!

 **Space dad:** They must have turned the phone off.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ffs its ok i screenshotted i screenshotted

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** well update you with the Full Address when we get there ok

 **Space dad:** Okay. I'm not far.

 

**man with the memes to pigwidgeon (07:46)**

**man with the memes:** pig i am so so so sorry

 **man with the memes:** i know apologies wont do anything

 **man with the memes:** but i am taking responsibility and i want to do what i can

 **pigwidgeon:** dont decide to take responsibility now! you should have last night.

 **pigwidgeon:** im so angry. so so so angry.

 **pigwidgeon:** and upset

 **pigwidgeon:** i dont even know what to do with myself ive just been sitting in my room glaring at the wall. i feel like mourning a death.

 **pigwidgeon:** i know i should get up and go about my day ive got a fucking shift later. but i cant move

 **man with the memes:** pidge thats okay. its such a bad thing that happened and all we can do is hope allura and everyone know what theyre doing

 **man with the memes:** and even if u dont get it back, thats ok too

 **pigwidgeon:** no it isnt. ive had that laptop for as long as i can remember. literally. i got that when i started high school. im not even joking when i say my laptop is my oldest and longest friend i dont care how that makes me sound.

 **pigwidgeon:** and i cant even back them up because i back everything up on them because i trust them so much!

 **pigwidgeon:** and i built and edited and customised them as i grew up. ive got so many files and folders and bookmarks and documents and playlists and albums from over the span of literally my entire teenage life.

 **pigwidgeon:** i feel like ive just lost a part of myself. like im missing a chunk of my brain

 **pigwidgeon:** you dont understand and you wont because it sound ridiculous even to me but i mean it. im half a pidge now. who am i without my Key Item. im like mori without hunny

 **man with the memes:** no i think i get u

 **man with the memes:** but ya gotta remember though that u are human and u have everything in u to be whole. u dont need stats and facts and back ups of data in life all the time. u also need emotions and communication

 **man with the memes:** not to say that they arent important

 **man with the memes:** they are because theyre part of who u are

 **man with the memes:** but to become whole u need to face real life things too

 **pigwidgeon:** i will when you do asshole

 **man with the memes:** love u 2 podge (Blue Heart )

 **man with the memes:** do you want to come down to the cafe? ill make you a coffee with three espresso shots in

 **pigwidgeon:** dont feed my addiction. but i do need to move

 **pigwidgeon:** im feeling so sick just sitting in here

 **pigwidgeon:** yeah im coming down

 **pigwidgeon:** oh will this be my first time meeting fucking tenji

 **man with the memes:** i think it will be

 **man with the memes:** dont get too excited he aint that great

 **pigwidgeon:** yeah i figured

 

**gay in space to man with the memes (08:37)**

**gay in space:** lance you're genuinely the least threatening person. this is why we didn’t want you to come along. those burns were SO weak. failing thief school???

 **man with the memes:** hey i am Sleep Deprived and Dying

 **man with the memes:**  tenjis drinks havent kicked in yet i dont think

 **man with the memes:** oHsHIT BUT BUT YAY yOURE BAcK??? !!!! (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart )

 **man with the memes:** FUCK SEE THSI IS WHAT I MEAN

 **man with the memes:** PLEASE TELL ME U GOT THE LAPTOP?!!!!!

 **gay in space:** of course. laptop and hard drive are safe and sound in my lap

 **gay in space:** onourwayhome.jpg

 **man with the memes:** im so fucking relieved

 **man with the memes:** praise the lord

 **man with the memes:** i dont do it often enough but little blessings like this are why u always gotta thank the big man upstairs

 **gay in space:** i agree. thank you god for giving us the worst luck but the best friends

 **man with the memes:** lol ok so tell me how it happened were u like the avengers or something

 **man with the memes:** fuck work tenji can handle the till for a bit this is Important

 **gay in space:** dude you should have been there. allura was so amazing. i think even i got a little turned on. she was just so brilliant

 **gay in space:** there was a build of maybe six apartments in a block like ours and she knocked on every single one with us as her back up until we found their door.

 **man with the memes:** looooooool

 **gay in space:** no it was so great lol she just used her Actually Stern voice and they were already shaking

 **man with the memes:** it might have been the added fear factor of the vampire and hulk behind her

 **gay in space:** maybe that too lol. but she stormed in all guns blazing yelling and lecturing as she does. and the shit was just like... on their kitchen counter. so i just sort of moved over to get it and rolo tried to step to me to i don't know stop me or whatever so i kicked the shit out of him

 **man with the memes:** keith bby no

 **gay in space:** no its okay i didn't kill him. i just knocked him down. and booted him a few times. in the torso/chest region.

 **gay in space:** i wore my docs for a reason.

 **gay in space:** anyway then i got our Shit and shiro came in like straight after. i think hunk got him the full address

 **gay in space:** then all of a sudden him and a few guys from the force are there and they're arresting the two and i think we might be needed in court sometime about it all if they do go away which i'm sure shiro will push for

 **gay in space:** we've got a lot of info on them as well. as always allura knows everything about everyone and knows numbers and mutuals and what he deals and who to

 **gay in space:** even if we can't pull anything with the robbery because we let them in and stuff we've got that on our side.

 **man with the memes:** fingers crossed

 **gay in space:** fingers crossed. are you still at work?

 **man with the memes:** yeah. pidge was here but theyre on their way home now after the good news.

 **gay in space:** want me to come down?

 **man with the memes:** if u want to u know i want to see u (Blue Heart )

 **man with the memes:** speak to pidge though they were pretty broken up

 **man with the memes:** they need some lovin

 **man with the memes:** have a zoot with them or something let them know how sorry we are

 **gay in space:** okay mr mature. when did you become allura

 **man with the memes:** dude shut up. this is probably one of the worst things to happen to them

 **man with the memes:** they arent exaggerating when they say half their life is in code

 **man with the memes:** u know that as well as me

 **gay in space:** i know. okay i’ll speak to you soon, we’re home. gonna chat to pig. (Heavy Black Heart ≊ Red Heart)

 **man with the memes:** see u soon (Blue Heart )

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to time to kick some hot butt and take back what is Ours (08:43)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** guys that was so cool

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i cant even with us

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** we are actually the coolest squad

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith running on No Sleep and on the verge of still being drunk and just starting to be hungover and fucking fLOORING a guy nearly a foot taller than him

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** hunky being just the biggest MUSCLE and not even dOING anything jusy standing ther and looking so cool and intimidating

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** tb to the entire machop evolution lol i miss those days where everything was Easy and Not terrible

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** shiro swooping in and fucking tAKING THOSE BITCHES DOWN ToWNNNNN

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ah omg i love Us

 **gay in space:** allura you were pretty cool too.

 **hunky dory:** Yeah lol don't give us all the credit when you literally took control of the whole situation

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** aw guys dont

 **gay in space:** no allura you were definitely the coolest

 **hunky dory:** Rolo looked like he was going to shit himself. That bitch Nyma didn't know what hit her.

 **gay in space:** she stood there in near tears while you shitted all over her and her brother's lives lol

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** blushblushblush

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** guys (Purple Heart )(Purple Heart )(Purple Heart )

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay well lets go home and celebrate a job well done. i think we need to let someone know the good news

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (08:48)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** pidgetheressomeonewhowantstosayhi.jpg

 **pigwidgeon:** allura

 **pigwidgeon:** i wont ever admit it ever again

 **pigwidgeon:** but im crying right now this is the most emotional day of my goddamn life.

 **pigwidgeon:** thank you so much

 **pigwidgeon:** i love you

 **pigwidgeon:** all

 **pigwidgeon:** even if youre the reason my laptop got stolen in the first place

 **man with the memes:** we are so sorry pidge

 **gay in space:** we really feel shit

 **man with the memes:** like

 **man with the memes:** it was entirely our fault

 **gay in space:** we were so careless we weren’t even watching it happen

 **pigwidgeon:** its not entirely your fault dont overreact

 **pigwidgeon:** its their fault for being thieves

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** its okay. its sorted now

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** rolo and nyma were arrested and we have the stuff back

 **man with the memes:** everything?

 **pigwidgeon:** keiths got his phone obviously

 **gay in space:** lol yeah

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** the money wasnt there

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** sad but better than nothing

 **pigwidgeon:** allura shut up nothing is better than you guys doing this for me

 **man with the memes:** dont gass urself pig i wanted keith to get his phone back so i can annoy him

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** lance u didnt help Whatsoever

 **man with the memes:** moral support???

 **hunky dory:** Alright kids. What did we learn today?

 **man with the memes:** that allura can do anything and everything

 **hunky dory:** True but no

 **hunky dory:** We learnt that inviting strangers into the house is not a good idea. Allura, you knew these guys had a bad rep. You've got to stop giving everybody all these benefits of the doubt and stop being so trusting.

 **hunky dory:** Keith and Lance you two need to grow up and be a little more aware. I know you were drunk but if you were awake enough to be chatting shit with them and rolling spliff with them then you should’ve been aware of what they were doing.

 **hunky dory:** It’s alright. As Allura said, it’s done now, but guys, really. This is one of the least of the Bad things that could happen. Use this as a learning curve

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** lol i love it when mom gets momish

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ok guys im sorry for not being more skeptical and weary of people

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ure right, i am way too trusting

 **hunky dory:** It’s not a bad thing. We just need to draw the line. Ie Not people we have officially just met

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ok ok

 **gay in space:** yeah and we’re sorry for being unobservant pricks

 **gay in space:** we should’ve taken more care of the flat and your stuff pig i’m so sorry

 **man with the memes:** yeah we are pretty shitty

 **pigwidgeon:** stop putting yourselves down and blaming yourselves it wasnt your fault. just use this as a learning experience. like mom said

 **hunky dory:** That’s right, everyone listen to mom.

 **man with the memes:** moms actually always right. not in the same way allura is. moms just Right about Everything.

 **real slim shae-dy:** well it would seem to me as though i have missed a whole lot. is everyone alright?

 **man with the memes:** not dead yet so

 **coranasaurus rex:** It would seem to be the same in my case too my dear. Allura did you act without thinking again

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** no way uncle when have i ever done that before ever

 **gay in space:** i’m gonna take a well deserved nap because i’m ready to pass out, so all you: shut the fuck up.

 **man with the memes:** wish i was there w u (Blue Heart )

 **gay in space:** same. bed's too big

 **pigwidgeon:** gay

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith ur matress is a single i doubt it is too big

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** dont exaggerate

 **gay in space:** it’s in the name pig and allura be quiet. its too cold then.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** its summer....

 **gay in space:** BYe for a few hours guys

 **man with the memes:** (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart ) (Blue Heart )

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** sleep well  (Purple Heart )(Purple Heart )

 **pigwidgeon:** dont die in your sleep that would be unfortunate

 **hunky dory:** Pidge you say these things like you want them to happen. Have a nice nap bro.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** hunky can i come down and can we have some mom time also can i have food

 **hunky dory:** if you want our food just say so. I know its all you’re after anyway

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** um lies i actually really miss u i havent hung out with u properly in ages

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** what do u wanna do are u working today or can we watch chopped reruns

 **hunky dory:** I’m not working lol. Yeah I’ll get the tv on

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** yay mom dayyyy (Purple Heart )(Purple Heart )

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** u joining pidge?

 **pigwidgeon:** i might come up later. im gonna code for a bit.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ok sweetie

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way )(09:37)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** i posted a photo from ln of us three and baited out rolo and nyma

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** so even if they get out they aint gonna have any shots for a while

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** basically go and like it and stuff and bait them out get the word out. its not gonna have been the first time theyve done this and it wont be the last.

 **pigwidgeon:** put it on facebook so it can be shared

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** am i a middle aged white soccer mom

 **pigwidgeon:** no youre a middle aged vodka aunt. you were going to do it anyway

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** watch urself pid

 **real slim shae-dy:** i have told a few people around campus today while i was studying. both nyma and rolo and fairly well known it seems. a few guys say they are sorry to hear about what happened, the same thing had happened to them when they were trying to flirt with nyma a while ago. their wallets and their laptops with all their school work were taken.

 **real slim shae-dy:** they are terrible people for sure! you are very lucky to have gotten your things back, pidge.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** see these guys are Bad people we need to DO something

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** fuck those guys

 **pigwidgeon:** i know lol shae. alluras cool like that. and ok when did you become pro law

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i didnt yeah just

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** fuck those guys

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh oh oh! matty commented on the photo! hes such a babe hes worried abt u pig

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** whys he awake that boy usually doesnt rise till noon i know him

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** awehowcute.jpg

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** my fav sibs u guys r so cute

 **pigwidgeon:** he might have an early class i dont know. and what no ew who is that loser

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** lol sh

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i miss matt

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** pidgey wheres ma matty

 **pigwidgeon:** probably on campus. im not my brothers keeper

 **pigwidgeon:** if hes online i can add him to the chat

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** PIDGE WHY DIDNT YOU DO THAT WHEN WE FIRST STARTED THIS CHAT

 **pigwidgeon:** i didnt know you wanted to hang with my brother who is approximately fifteen states away

 **pigwidgeon:** and i didnt make this god awful chat. blame the real culprit. lance

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** one) i always want to hang out with matty

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** two) this chat is for the Space family and matty is deffo in the Space famo

 **hunky dory:** What title does he take??

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** hes the Oldest Space child obviously

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** lance is the middle kid for a reason goosh

**pigwidgeon added meet matte to the chat**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** matty!!! you kept the name!!! (Purple Heart )

 **meet matte:** more like i couldn’t be bothered to change it. it’s been meet matte for like three four years lol

 **meet matte:** but allura!!! how are you?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** im good im good how is college for the fifth time

 **meet matte:** second but it’s fun! harder than i remember lol

 **pigwidgeon:** hey who wants to explain the name?? ive always wondered where it came from

 **meet matte:** hey pidgekid how are you

 **pigwidgeon:** im as well as i was the last time you asked

 **meet matte:** what happened with the laptop thing? i saw allura's post. why didn't you call me?!!

 **pigwidgeon:** could you maybe Not ask yet because im still not really over it. and what the hell are you going to do lol youre approximately fifteen states away

 **meet matte:** that's cool kiddo and let me be the worried older brother. call me.

 **meet matte:** you want the story behind my name?

 **pigwidgeon:** sure lol

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** let me tell it lol im way better at storytelling

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  its the first pallette i used on ur beautiful bro

 **pigwidgeon:** hmmm??

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  so when we met i did his makeup

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** and used the balm meet matte palette because it was new and his name was matt and we had just met it fit so perfectly okay it was FATE

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** and as you can imagine he looked BEAUTIFUL and i Freaked and he was my model for a While

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** he is like 1/3 of my portfolio lol

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** nd then he left me for college  (Broken Heart )

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** even though he has ALREADY GOT A DEGREE i havent even got ONE

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** is this what a mother feels like when her once full house of kids is long emptied

 **meet matte:** i’m sorry i am a frail and small child who did not belong on the field

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** its okay baby boy i understand why u left me

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** even if it was cold and brutal and im still Not Over it

 **meet matte:** i’ll be back soon i’m a genius after all

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i cannot WAIT we are gonna pardy so hardy

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** whens break are you coming home also!!!!! if you are dont go and see ur boring parents come and see US instead we are Way more fun

 **meet matte:** i’m swamped and i’m using the breaks as study time so i’m actually staying here?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** boo you whore

 **meet matte:** i knew that was coming

 **meet matte:** yes okay i’m a whore and i’m staying to study

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay you go knock the shit outta the courtroom

 **meet matte:** i don’t take my classes in a courtroom allura

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** my lil elle woods

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** remember that the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance is that you are forbidden from getting your hair wet for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the immonium thygocolate?

 **meet matte:** i actually went into my first courtroom as a law student the other day and my first thought was that and i Hate you for it

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** im so proud of my lil elle woods

 **meet matte:** pidge is she like this with you too

 **pigwidgeon:** shes like this with everyone matt you arent special

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** dont ever say that about my matty agen pidgey u evil child

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** hes so special. the firstborn Space son

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** omds also matty THERES SO MUCH GOSSIP??!!

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** im so broken hearted you are not downstairs and cannot come up to have a bitch sesh w me

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** matty moooooo  (Broken Heart )(Broken Heart )(Broken Heart )

 **meet matte:** allura you’re making me emotion stop. fill me in on the Tea

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i will later in private. ill let this lot say hi

 **meet matte:** oh lol yeah shit

 **meet matte:** hi everyone also!!! i’m sorry i didn’t say so before but Allura. how are you all?

 **hunky dory:** Hey Matt my man. I'm good thanks. You enjoying college again?

 **meet matte:** it’s slowly killing me but i made the decision to go again and i am enjoying myself no matter how much i complain, so yeah

 **hunky dory:** All the best bro you'll do great. You’re in the genius club after all.

 **meet matte:** thanks man

 **man with the memes:** oh shit matt!!! how you dude!!!

 **man with the memes:** sorry rushed to work on No sleep and Stressed

 **man with the memes:** uno the like

 **man with the memes:** so i had like fifteen different caffeinated drinks in the span of bout half an hour

 **man with the memes:** and theyve all hit me at once i think

 **man with the memes:** like ten minutes ago

 **man with the memes:** this feels suspiciously like e

 **man with the memes:** tldr am now running on Caffeine and i am Twitching

 **man with the memes:** have been doing All of the Things at work

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** are you sure you just had caffeine

 **man with the memes:** idk tenji made me my drinks

 **man with the memes:** who know what that fucker put in

 **man with the memes:** thank god he doesnt give a shit about basic human coffee consumption levels

 **man with the memes:** im gonna wear myself tf out so i crash when i get back

 **man with the memes:** i havent slept in like 27 hours this isnt good for my skin

 **man with the memes:** if i break out from all this bullshit i stg i am going to flip so many tables

 **man with the memes:** also i dont think i even like coffee all that much???

 **man with the memes:** kinda made me gag

 **gay in space:** i know something else that will make you gag

 **gay in space:** oh no this is a gc and matt's here

 **gay in space:** hey matt what's up dude. when did you get here. i've just woken up, sorry.

 **gay in space:** lance why aren't you here?? i'm 98% sure you were here last night.

 **gay in space:** oh shit wait this morning did fucking happen didn’t it. thought it was some bad fucking dream

 **meet matte:** keith!! how are you? how is living with my weirdo sib

 **meet matte:** and lance! i’m good thanks how are you? please don’t drink any more you’re hyperactive enough as it is.

 **meet matte:** also am i missing something or is keith just putting on ...moves? i think?

 **gay in space:** oh um lol

 **man with the memes:** me and him are together sort of

 **meet matte:** wow congrats! i don’t think i would’ve ever seen you together but i guess i knew you guys separately?

 **man with the memes:** thanks lol. i wouldnt put myself with this mullet haired loser either

 **meet matte:** really? because keith’s way hotter than you. i think he’s lowered his standards a bit

 **man with the memes:** matt you had a crush on me i wont forget that

 **meet matte:** you got hot, what can i say. keith’s still hotter though.

 **man with the memes:** why do i gotta get dragged for just living my life i’m not a bad guy

 

**man with the memes to gay in space (09:57)**

**man with the memes:** hey babe im out of work at 1 so dw i will come back and join u for an even better nap

 **gay in space:** lol ok. the one i just had was pretty shitty.

 **man with the memes:** :(( u dont deserve shitty naps

 **man with the memes:** did u speak to pid?

 **gay in space:** shit no i just went straight to sleep. let me reply to matt and then i’ll message them.

 **man with the memes:** lol alright x

 

**gay in space to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (10:05)**

**gay in space:** ahahaha matt i've missed you man. and everythings good thanks. i've seen pidge actually sleep all of twice and it sort of scares me but i'll let them do them

 **meet matte:** pidge !! you need sleep !! please don’t ruin your brilliant brain.

 **pigwidgeon:** i live for the sleep deprivation delusions. its my own special kind of drug

 **pigwidgeon:** lol i joke sleep just hasnt come very easily recently. but i have been getting better at recharging so dont worry. i am not Up and Alert awake.

 **meet matte:** well done :)

 **pigwidgeon:** more i can feel my whole body going dead but my minds running at 500mph awake.

 **meet matte:** that’s ok. as long as you are Resting somewhat. little steps

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** see this is why we need big bro matt on the chat hes so cool and wholesome but hes actually ur guys age so u dont fucking meme him and actually respect him.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** matty i truly did not know that i was starving till i tasted u. u are the guiding light at the end of the tunnel that is the hellhole of this groupchat

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** what it would feel like to be respected i can only wonder

 **man with the memes:** we respect u allura

 **man with the memes:** and we probably will meme matt

 **man with the memes:** like its nothing against you bro

 **man with the memes:** but we meme everything

 **gay in space:** you meme everything you mean

 **man with the memes:** tru

 **man with the memes:** but still

 **meet matte:** it’s ok.

 **meet matte:** for future reference not that i want to can i leave this chat when i want

 **meet matte:** if it’s popping off when i’m trying to study etc

 **hunky dory:** I mean the threat of Allura coming downstairs won't work on him anymore....

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** dont underestimate my dedication. i will personally drive through those approximately 15 states and whoop his ass

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** just put ur phone on do not disturb like a normal person

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ull probably get like 273 notifs but hey it will make you laugh to read over

 **meet matte:** ok i will. don’t be offended if i don’t reply for a while sometimes then because i will actually be Studying like the good student i am

 **meet matte:** and lol hunk it scares me because i don’t doubt she would

 **meet matte:** i pissed her off once when i was staying at mom and dad’s and she drove to the house at like 3am and slapped me. then just got back in her car and drove home

 **pigwidgeon:** for reference: mom and dads old home is approximately 90 minute drive from our building

 **gay in space:** allura you're my idol

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** im everyones idol lol

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** lol 90 mins in what world

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** if you drive like a grandma maybe

 **meet matte:** or if you follow the speed limit maybe

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** who does tho....

 **pigwidgeon:** all of us??

 **man with the memes:** pidge u cant even drive ur a child

 **pigwidgeon:** for fucks sake i can drive!! i dont have a car or money for gas or a license or whatever but i can drive.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** its ok pidgey i cant drive either

 **meet matte:** you have a license allura

 **pigwidgeon:** do you not care about other people on the road??!

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** na if i feel like im gonna crash ill make sure i go off the road not into people

 **man with the memes:** how the fuck are u gonna feel like ur gonna crash

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i havent crashed yet dont jinx me

 **Space dad:** Allura please stop with your reckless behaviour. You wouldn’t condone it with the children.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** bein reckless is what makes me the cool and hip auntie i am

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** dont hate

 **Space dad:** I’m not hating, just calling you out on your hypocrisy.

 **man with the memes:**  aHBURNBURNBURN

 **pigwidgeon:** abURN

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ouch dad get outta here with these negative strict old dude vibes

 **meet matte:** do you two still do that. after all these fucking years.

 **man with the memes:** dude that 70’s show changed our lives dont hate

 **Space dad:** Ehem. I couldn't get a word in earlier and I'm sure you're tired of answering but, hello Matt how are you? Is Harvard treating you well? The guys at the station send their well wishes.

 **meet matte:** aha its like a sudden death round. hi shiro i'm good and so's harvard. give them my thanks if you wouldn't mind. its strange to think i haven't spoken to some of them since before i left for college.

 **Space dad:** Ah, you are still always on our minds little Matty. Keep up the good work.

 

**gay in space to man with the memes (11:00)**

**gay in space:** i’ll text you in a bit. come home soon i want a good nap. i’m gonna hang with pig i think they’re in. (Heavy Black Heart ≊ Red Heart)

 **man with the memes:** ill be back as soon as i can

 **man with the memes:** have fun (Blue Heart )

 

**gay in space to pigwidgeon (11:01)**

**gay in space:** pidge i know i've said it on the chat but really i'm so sorry about today. i was reading through the chat and i do care.

 **gay in space:** we went to get the laptop back, not my shitty phone. that was just a bonus.

 **gay in space:** if you don't want me living here anymore i'll go stay with shiro again. i'm so sorry all this happened and i'm sorry i made you emotion.

 **pigwidgeon:** dont be stupid keith. i dont want you to go. im sorry i was so rude earlier but i was very angry i hope you understand. i know you care.

 **gay in space:** want to come and watch a space/conspiracy/cryptid documentary with me and have a smoke?

 **pigwidgeon:** you know it. are there any even left on netflix or have we rinsed them all

**gay in space:[x files theme (dubstep remix)](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6bTbKK63MY)**

**gay in space:** we’ll find one lol

 **pigwidgeon:** the truth is out there.

 **gay in space:** and we are going to find it

 

**meet matte to ill lure ya (to ur death) (11:02)**

**meet matte:** WOW I’M BLUSHING SO HARD RN

 **meet matte:** i feel like i’m 19 again lol

 **meet matte:** oh my god allura is shiro still as hot

 **meet matte:** i thought i had grown out of this

 **meet matte:** when will i be over this Crush

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** we all have a crush on shiro its ok its not something you grow out of

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** even pidge blushes when he gives them attention dw

 **meet matte:** lol good to know i’m not alone

 **meet matte:** what’s going on w keith and lance when did that happen???? i want the tea boil the kettle

 **meet matte:** also u haven’t been Reckless and Unstable and not realising self destructive behaviours have u

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** matty ily but pls no ok shiro just tried. let me Be its been a Hard day

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** and oh my god uve missed sm u dont even know

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay so quick rundown

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** after you moved out keith moved in as was planned with shiro going back to work and all

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** so keith and lance have this fucken anime as shit meet cute and lance does his dumb boy thing and declared him his 'rival of wits'

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** then they became friends and had a Bonding Moment and a bet was made about when theyd get together i thought, but really was over Boyfriends

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** then it turned out they started banging like two weeks after that but we didnt know because they are sneaky little guys apparently

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** we only found out like a fortnight ago its crazy

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** but yeah if you look at the gc's history its backed up of loads of receipts it will get u up to speed on all the shit we been putting up w.

 **meet matte:** wow keith’s smitten

 **meet matte:** he’s such a loser

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** so is lance tho

 **meet matte:** yeah but i knew that. i mean i know keith was an emo loser but not an Emotional emo loser with real Feelings

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ahaha i forget you knew keith before he Smiled

 **meet matte:** you’ve seen him smile???

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** omg matty  (Broken Heart ) lil keith is a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** little clouds cover him but the dont do much to block all the sun its just there for the aesthetic

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i dont think that was my best analogy but ygm

 **meet matte:** i think i do lol. aw i’m happy for him.

 **meet matte:** is that all thanks to lance??

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** no. deffo not All thanks to him.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** keith has done a lot of growing in himself and has made new relationships w all of us in the building all on his own

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** but lance has helped him A Lot

 **meet matte:** aw keithy boy. lance is an idiot but a cute one. keith deserves someone like him.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** aw matty!! stop acting so grown its scarin me.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ahaha arent you jealous ;)))) any more old feelings resurfacing

 **meet matte:** when will people get over that i had a thing for lance

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** lol tbh its more that you actually admitted it

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** lance is definitely one of the most Objectively Beautiful in the group we all know this

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** but would we ever tell him?? god no

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** it would just go to his fat head and he wouldnt ever let it go

 **meet matte:** ah i understand. it’s an act of self preservation

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** of course

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i will happily admit me and my building bestie are deffo the OBs

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** just not to him lol

 **meet matte:** aw tell him once in a while

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** why dont u? uve already lost ur Preservation

 **meet matte:** what if keith kills me tho

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** tru

 **meet matte:** lol ok i’m turning my notifs need to get Work done i’ll speak to you soon (Sparkling Heart )

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** okay bb good luck speak soon  (Purple Heart )

 

(13:12) **man with the memes to gay in space**

 **man with the memes:** im omw back u ready to get ur nap on

 **gay in space:** i’m so ready

 **man with the memes:** im gonna fuckin nap with u soo hard

 **man with the memes:** cuddle u sooo tight

 **man with the memes:** make u feel fucking SAFe and SECURE in my arms

 **gay in space:** why can’t we do anything normally. just come and fucking get into bed with me, bitch.

 **gay in space:** and bring the ipod i want music

 **man with the memes:** did allura get it out last night

 **gay in space:** i think so? she’s magic so she probably did

 **man with the memes:** ill ask lol

 

**man with the memes to ill lure ya (to ur death) (13:15)**

**man with the memes:** lura did u save the fallen souls from the abyss

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** what lol yeah keith had his hair did last night

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** why do u think he looked so bomb i did it properly for him

 **man with the memes:** omds allura always do that to his hair pls

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** shut up u love his messy mullet

 **man with the memes:** whatever ok

 **man with the memes:** did u get the shuffle out

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** yeah i put it on keiths dresser thing

 **man with the memes:** awyisssss

 **man with the memes:** ty b  (Blue Heart )

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** np  (Purple Heart )

 

**man with the memes to gay in space (13:17)**

**man with the memes:** shuffles on ur dresser (Blue Heart )

 **gay in space:** am already in bed your gonna have to get it when you walk in

 **man with the memes:** omg ur so fucking lazy

 **man with the memes:** ur a fitness coach wth

 **gay in space:** um i’m active like over 80 hours a week i’m allowed to be the laziest fucker on my days off.

 **gay in space:** hurry up where are youuu

 **man with the memes:** im buzzing in chill chill

 **man with the memes:** is hunk in

 **gay in space:** yeah he’s with lura i think

 **man with the memes:** oh no its cool he let me in

 **man with the memes:** real g

 **man with the memes:** tell piddy to let me in please

 **man with the memes:** not a real g

 **man with the memes:** they wont open the door

 

**gay in space to pigwidgeon (13:43)**

**gay in space:** pidge pls let lance in its very important

 **pigwidgeon:** um. keith im sorry but can you please do your thing upstairs

 **pigwidgeon:** im just. still having a hard time with the whole thing. im not mad anymore or anything like but im still just trying to work through all the emotion shit and categorise it and

 **pigwidgeon:** yeah sorry please can this place just be empty ive got over the shock and now i just need clear space i want to clean

 **gay in space:** it’s cool pidge. we’ll go upstairs. we understand.

 **pigwidgeon:** it not either of you its just

 **gay in space:** no explanation needed kiddo. if you need any of us we’re upstairs. don’t go in the third drawer of my cabinet unless you want a surprise

 **pigwidgeon:** thanks keith. don’t take advantage of the fact i’m the only one you can call kiddo lol. and ew gross no i’m not going through your drawers. i’m going to sweep and mop. get rid of the mess from last night

 **pigwidgeon:** i’m sorry i’ll speak to you soon.

 **gay in space:** i do no such thing. and nothing to be sorry for.

 **gay in space:** kiddo x

 

**gay in space to man with the memes (13:54)**

**gay in space:** babe we’re using your bed for the prime nap time

 **gay in space:** it’s probably better that way. then nothing can be lost to the clutches of the abyss

 **man with the memes:** lol okay im down.

 **man with the memes:** just wanna get my cuddle on tbh

 **man with the memes:** been waiting all morning for a sweet sweet spooning sesh

 **man with the memes:** is pidge alright?

 **gay in space:** they need a bit of time and they need to be alone. i think they’re working through the stages of categorising everything. such big emotions and feelings and stuff.

 **gay in space:** they aren’t used to them and don’t like them.

 **man with the memes:** lol true

 **man with the memes:** pig isnt wired to emote

 **man with the memes:** dont forget to grab the shuffle (Blue Heart )

 **gay in space:** lol i won’t (Heavy Black Heart ≊ Red Heart)

 

**pigwidgeon to ill lure ya (to ur death) (19:43)**

**pigwidgeon:** im trying to leave the house for work but i really dont think i can

 **pigwidgeon:** why am i like this is took off and left fine earlier

 **pigwidgeon:** i couldnt wait to leave

 **pigwidgeon:** i cant breathe i cant leave the house its not safe

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** pidge u can breath sh dont stress

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ure okay ure safe so is everything you care about

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** the doors are locked and im upstairs with hunky

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** keiths and lance are in his room and i dont know if theyre waking up anytime soon

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** dont worry. the place is safe.

 **pigwidgeon:** what if they come back? what if they have friends?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** piggy its okay

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i dont think theyre going to do anything after the way keith beat him down

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):**  i dont think anyone would want to experience that ever again

 **pigwidgeon:** are you sure

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** yes pidge. do you want a lift to work? if im free ill come get you when do you end

 **pigwidgeon:** its too early for your shift though. and 2

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** yeah but still. if you need it then you need it

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** no ill be dancing sorry bb

 **pigwidgeon:** its ok but ill have the lift there if thats okay

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** course it is

 **pigwidgeon:** thank you

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** its okay (Purple Heart )

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** get urself settled and ill come down

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space family (Sparkles ) (Milky Way ) (21:48)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** guys i cant get out of the bathhhh itso warm but i have work and i need to shave and make myself sexy

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** its been a Long day can i not call and just explain that i need to Rest

 **man with the memes:** allura how many baths do u have

 **man with the memes:** i swear every time u pop up its because ur in the bath and uv got urself too high

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** im not too high. im just too lazy.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** and baths are like the Best thing Ever they make Everything ok

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** just laying in warm water for two hours like cleanses your soul

 **gay in space:** you’re sitting in your own dirty water for two hours how can that cleanse your soul

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** all the impurities from ur body and mind are washed away

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** and u wash ur skin under the shower head using Clean water of course do u even know how to Bathe

 **pigwidgeon:** i read somewhere that the more baths you have the more lonely you are. the warmth imitates human contact and emotional comfort.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** lol catch me chilling it the bath for 12 years

 **man with the memes:** allura how are u single and not have some to cuddle 24/7

 **man with the memes:** ur like the Perfect Woman

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** fuck off im not

 **gay in space:** no he's right you are

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** yall flatter me too much im gonna get an ego like lances lol

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** im single because im too perfect then

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i intimidate potential datefriends

 **gay in space:** ngl that’s probably right

 **man with the memes:** i mean if i actually thought i had a chance with you i wouldve been a lot more serious in my wooing

 **gay in space:** lance you didn't even woo me

 **man with the memes:** i so did

 **man with the memes:** i charmed the pants off u ;)))

 **gay in space:** passing out on me after concussing yourself playing wii sports doesn't count as 'wooing' to me

 **man with the memes:** omg okay ive admitted it happened can we let it go

 **gay in space:** no

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** it will never die

 **gay in space:** we won't let it

 **man with the memes:** i hate you all omg

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** you love us (Purple Heart )

 **man with the memes:** debatable

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** guys ive just wasted half an hour on this shit i couldve shaved and been oiled up by now

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** quick someone motivate me or else im just gonna lay in here for the rest of my life

 **man with the memes:** how much p have u got left till ur a vib???

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** shit u rite

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** na i have to Dance tonight

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** the deals i will Get

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** the offers that will become Available

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i can get the moonchild glo kit !!!

 **man with the memes:** lura ngl sunkissed will suit u better??

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ive already ordered sunkissed lol

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i want moonchild for Art

 **man with the memes:** use it on me i want to look ethereal

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** MOTIVATION !!!!!

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** time to Get out of this cold ass bath

 **gay in space:** whats a vib and whats a moonchild sunkissed

 **man with the memes:** god keith

 **man with the memes:** very important buyer and anastasia beverly hills new highlighters

 **man with the memes:** dont u know Anything

 **gay in space:** i’m sorry i don’t wear makeup or am able to afford any of this expensive shit

 **man with the memes:** lol me neither but i like to Dream

 **man with the memes:** im like $400 till im vib

 **man with the memes:** if only i could afford (Broken Heart )

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** aw baby bc i love u if i get over $200 tnight and i feel like celebrating ill do a mini haul online tonight and get moonchild and if there are any deals and free samples and stuff they can be yours X

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** if you want anything in Particular lmk and ill get it pay me back for it when u can (Purple Heart )

 **man with the memes:** ALLURA I LOVE U SM

 **man with the memes:** KEITH WHY DONT U DO SHIT LIKE THIS FOR ME

 **man with the memes:** ALLURA I WANT U TO BE MY BABY INSTEAD

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i dont want 2 b ur baby baby

 **man with the memes:** dammit

 **gay in space:** i dont want to be your baby either can someone else take him

 **pigwidgeon:** no

 **hunky dory:** No

 **real slim shae-dy:** i’m quite alright thank you

 **meet matte:** definitely not

 **man with the memes:** matty u love me stop lying

 **meet matte:** eh i was young and foolish don’t quote me on what i said

 **hunky dory:** Allura how much do you have to spend to become a vib

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** $$$$

 **hunky dory:** And how much money do you have

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** -$$$$

 **hunky dory:** Do you see what I'm getting at here? Spending all your money from a night of work on makeup is not Responsible.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i am a woman with sophisticated tastes i cant help it

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i like my nug dank and my makeup fleeky

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** if that means i have to suffer in my everyday life so be it

 **coranasaurus rex:** Allura we do need to eat

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** yeah thats why u work unkie

 **coranasaurus rex:** I dont make enough to cover bills and food and everything for the both of us by myself. you know that

 **man with the memes:** corans kinda like your sugar daddy

 **man with the memes:** but without the sex

 **man with the memes:** like sugar pal

 **man with the memes:** he just houses you feeds you lets you stay with him and do all ur wacky shenanigans under his watchful but fairly passive eye

 **man with the memes:** omg

 **man with the memes:** IN WEST PHILADELPHIA BORN AND RAISED

 **man with the memes:** on the playground is where i spent most of my days

 **gay in space:** chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool

 **gay in space:** and all shootin' some bball outside of the school

 **pigwidgeon:** then a couple of guys who were up to no good

 **pigwidgeon:** started makin trouble in my neighborhood

 **hunky dory:** I got in one little fight and my mom got scared

 **hunky dory:** And said you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** omg stfu!! losers!!

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** where even is philadelphia

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** ive lived here for four years and i still know Jack Shit about this places geography

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** and well i mean he is my Uncle hes my family hes gonna take care of me

 **man with the memes:** lol i dont think any of my uncles would let me get away with the shit you do

 **man with the memes:** and they also wouldnt take as good a care of me as corans done with you

 **man with the memes:** i mean they arent bad guys or nothing just like... im not their kid and that stuff

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh wow

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** coran i really appreciate u pls dont forget that ur the greatest uncle ever

 **coranasaurus rex:** Aw thank you allura. i do what i can to stop you from dying. you make it very hard sometimes but it is worth it.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** (Purple Heart )(Purple Heart )(Purple Heart )(Purple Heart )

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space dad**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** hey shiro how is work

 **Space dad:** Slow. Me and Dara are on patrol but we've just been sitting in the car drinking bad coffee for the best part of two hours. How's your night going? Are you on break?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** its a slow night too. yeah im havin a smoke then im going back in.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i just wanted to talk to u

 **Space dad:** Are you okay?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** uh

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** physically yeah

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** but im not okay i dont think

 **Space dad:** Want to talk about it?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** today was my fault. i cant help thinking it

 **Space dad:** What do you mean?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i knew these guys. i knew they were shady.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** yet i still let the boys talk to them and let them come back with us? whats wrong with me?

 **Space dad:** Well you were drunk.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** still! i shouldve been responsible! if i had said no these guys have got bad reps!

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** why didnt i think of that why did i trust them

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** why do i trust so easily

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** why do i always give everyone the benefit of the doubt

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** u cant do that in this world can u

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** evidently given ln

 **Space dad:** I am inclined to agree but I'm also going to have to tell you to Stop. Being friendly and trusting and giving everyone a chance is what is so beautiful about you. You hold no prejudices and you’re willing to let people in and encourage them to do the same.

 **Space dad:** It’s a shame that however, not everyone is a good person and many people don't care and will do what benefits them.

 **Space dad:** So maybe keeping the trust and benefit of the doubt stuff to people we don't know to be bad guys, and definitely don't invite them back to our houses after a drunken night out.

 **Space dad:** Please don’t lose something so beautiful about you because of this though. That would be worse than anything they've stolen.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** shiro u goof (Purple Heart )(Purple Heart )(Purple Heart )(Purple Heart )

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i dont want to think about it too much because its Happened and its Sorted

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** but i keep thinking of ways it couldve been prevented what i couldve done

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** goddam need another smoke but breaks abt to be over

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** can i talk to you later?

 **Space dad:** I would love you to. When is your shift over?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** 4

 **Space dad:** Want me to pick you up?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** um yeah if u dont mind xx

 **Space dad:** Wouldn't offer if I did x

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space dad (04:11)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** im outside x

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** lol ok i see u ur like the only car on the road

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** am waving im by the big neon naked lady u cant miss me

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** yeah u know where i am this is deffo not the first time uve been here

 **Space dad:** Allura I’ve only been here to come and get you after a shift or when you and the boys have gotten yourselves paralytic and can’t get home.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** that was like one time

 **Space dad:** Five times. It’s been five times.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** one five eh least it isnt ten

 **Space dad:** Let’s not go for ten please

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** no promises we are still Young

 

**ill lure ya (to ur death) to Space dad (04:37)**

**ill lure ya (to ur death):** thanks for the lift x

 **Space dad:** It’s no problem. Are you in safe?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** yup. just washed my face am gonna go to bed in a bit.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** you home yet?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** oh duh you wouldnt be texting lol

 **Space dad:** Aha, yes I am home.

 **Space dad:** Can I ask you a question?

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** yeah shoot

 **Space dad:** Why did you get so worked up about theft today? You break the law all the time. You shoplift all the time.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** theres a difference. my crimes are petty ones. lifting a dollar bottle of nail polish. bunnin spliff. jaywalking which i mean come tf on is that really a crime here like what the hecke.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** this crime is different. its cruel and it's unnecessary and its hurting human people

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** if theyd gone to the apple store and taken a mac i wouldve been like lol same

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** but because he stole it from someone whos allowed them into their house, shared their drinks and smoke with them, showed them only kindness... to be repayed with that is so cruel it makes me sick?

 **Space dad:** I understand. You’re swayed by emotions.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** well yeah. u stealin from a store ur stealin from a faceless brand and its impersonal. but this kind of theft is personal and its awful

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** like its just evil and i dont know why anyone would do something like that

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** i try my goddamn hardest to live my life by the idea that everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt and every life is worth something

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** but life constantly fuckin reminds me that im delusional

 **Space dad:** I know I’ve said it earlier but please. Don’t let this set you back. Let it help you grow. Even though you may not see yourself as one Allura, you are a target. Please remember that. Learn how to be your amazing self without letting it become a weakness.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** lol ok shiro. ill try. ty for talking to me x

 **Space dad:** It should be me who’s thanking you really. Now go to sleep, rest up well. It’s been a very long weekend.

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** indeed it has

 **ill lure ya (to ur death):** gn shiro (Purple Heart )

 **Space dad:** Goodnight Allura x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u all sooo much for ur response to this fic yall so cute ur comments and kudos make my day xx
> 
> also now with soundtrack?? check my 8tracks for noises and thing i jam to @ http://8tracks.com/sevencamel


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